Even deaf babies can read

Well, since it's been firmly established that I'm a truth teller, I suppose it couldn't hurt to expound even further upon the purpose of this blog.

As Dan Brown might say, "It was a dark and stormy night and there was two people and I like them people and they was there. And candles was." Well said, Mr. Brown. I guess I'll spare you the lascivious details of the moment, but the point I'm getting at is that my wife and I conceived a child. Or she conceived. Or I did. I'm really not sure who's responsible for what, but conception occurred. So, being rather risk averse, I thought it might be prudent to hedge our bets against birthing a deaf child. Most deaf babies are hearing impaired and cannot hear words of affirmation and love spoken to them (citation needed). However, even deaf babies can read. Now, if I could only figure out a way to make my baby read words of affirmation, then maybe he or she would not grow up to be a homicidal freak (or, worse yet, unpopular).

My first inclination was to write my reflections in my diary. But what would happen if I was ever lost at sea and couldn't reveal to my loved ones where I'd hidden the key to Mrs. D's lock? Or what if I didn't have time to black out the parts from 1993 when I had a brief, but earnest, infatuation with Diamond Rio? It would be best if I could record my thoughts in a place accessible to my friends and family. It would also be nice if that place was one in which I could share all of my favorite recipes and celebrity gossip--you know, two birds with one stone, that type of thing. That's why I decided to write this blog.